High Hopes

It’s a Monday the 4th of October 2010 and it’s not an ordinary Monday. I’ve been through a rough impact from the days before, some turbulence in life, and the frustration hasn’t seemed to fade away. The time shows it’s precisely 13:45 and in a couple of hours later I’ll be heading on to the train station nearby my house, headed for campus, yet the nerve breakdown I’ve experienced from the past days before haven’t seem to disappear. Three days ago, on Friday the 1st of October, I went through an orientation which was mandatory for freshmen at the University that I was attending. Odd, the orientation was fun for me yet I had discovered something disturbing.
At the orientation there were many people, coming from across Indonesia, and with a variety of age. It was a new atmosphere for me, very different from the high school orientation I’ve had before. From all those people, not one I’ve known before but that wasn’t an obstacle for me, I’m always happy when it comes to meeting new people. The rumors saying that it was a place filled with homosexuals, which had also been a burden in my mind, haven’t seem to been proved. I’ve come to know them better as I’ve talked and done activities with them. Although the atmosphere was new to me it wasn’t hard for me to adapt, and I’ve found it fun and also interesting. Unfortunately for me, it didn’t last.
It came to me after I’ve spoken with a couple of mates I met that class had already started approximately for two weeks long, starting from the 30th of August and stopped, due to the Lebaran holiday, and continued at the 24th of September, if I’m not mistaken, and that wasn’t the first thing that disturbed me. Before, I had to fill the attendance list which had not my name on it. Neither Student ID nor Student number, and no student card which contains my SKS grades either Soon I’ve realized after my father finally decided to tell the truth, there were some administration problems. Seems because there were some money needed to be paid and because it hasn’t passed the due line, I’m not registered. I felt as if I was to be showed that that school, that place, is what I want, yet I’m not going to get it.
After some conflict within my family, and after I stated that I didn’t want to continue college for it will only be a waste of time because if after I’ve taken class and one day later I can’t afford it, I’ll be suspended, I talked with a good friend of mine. Yes, I cried, and yes, despite of what people think of me, I still have some tears left in my eyes. She made me calm just by listening to me, hearing me woe and also helping me find a way out of the mess I was in at the moment. Fortunate for me, she was there to ease the shock I was in and made me able to laugh again, but I’m convinced that I’m not going to continue my studies there or start my studies, to be précised. The next day my parents talked me out of it though, they said they will try and my father will pay at the 6th of October 2010, which is Wednesday, but if my father doesn’t pay then, then au revoir university. Meanwhile, from the 3rd to 6th, I must take classes so I won’t be counted as absent because absent four times means that I’m not eligible to take the annual semester test, and I will be taking one later on this very day, at 17:30. To tell the truth, if it were up to me, I’d wait until my father already paid at the 6th of October so then at least I won’t have to suffer more in disappointment, but the fact is that won’t happen either. Leaving me with no choice, I decided to take the “wait and see” method on what’s going to happen, since I’m helpless now, I can just leave it to fate to decide.
I wish I wasn’t helpless as I am right now, I wish I can show the dean or the lecturers or maybe even the president of the university that I’m worth it, to show them that I’m a diamond in the rough, though I’m not much now, a little work on me would make me shine. Yes, I’m willing to throw away my pride and ask for pity, hoping for aid or even a scholarship.
But there’s a lesson for me In the midst of all this, planning is essential. Why? If you’ve planned something right and if you gave it a deep thought, your next step would be anticipation, and you would save up money for the sake of your future, in order not to fail. A wise man once said, those who fails to plan, plans to fail.